The Bus Ride

Since the end of August 2015, I have been taking the bus to-and-fro as my car (ole Betty) has been sitting waiting for me to gather the $500 plus dollars to fix her motor mounts and it’s been an experience to say the least.

We all know that there are many kinds of people in this world and the sum of the many personalities ride public transportation and in this blog I’d like to discuss some of the most funniest and fascinating riders, bus drivers and experiences I’ve seen/had.

Firstly, let’s talk about the buses & their otherworldly drivers. When a bus finally does show up after the scheduled one has either broken down or their drivers just said f&*@! it and didn’t show up at all, the meat house of flesh packed tightly into one another instantly turns the bus into the Amistad slave ship.

People are squeezed in so tightly that if one person burps or farts, it would come out of another person! If you’ve got to sit on the stairs or just about sit on the bus driver’s lap, then dammit stop taking on more people! What part of the bus driver’s mind says there’s room for more people??? What makes it even more disturbing is that people standing in the front of the bus don’t like to move to the back of the bus when more folk are let on. It’s as if they’re civil rights will be violated or some ish if they have to move down. WTF?? Mooooove!!!! I can say more but I have to move on. (no pun)

Then there are the Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, Tyrese Gibson, etc. wannabes that like to drive fast and furious. According to some estimates, ‘the average size of a standard city bus is between 35 feet and 50 feet long, and about 8 feet wide. The average city bus weighs between 25,000 and 40,000 pounds. The average weight of a city bus can vary significantly based on how many passengers are riding. Most buses can hold between 25 and 60 people.’ Sooooo add 10-15 more people and tell me why these behemoths are driven like race cars???? If you’re standing and the bus jerks, there’s nowhere to go but on top of another mofo standing or sitting. When a stop comes up, some drivers do a damn near drive-by when letting off folk…they slow up just enough for them to tuck and roll off the bus! So we need to practice combat techniques to get off the bus? Imma let this stand right here. (no pun)

Secondly, let’s talk about the people. The personalities are seriously comical and at times sad. When you ride for a constant amount of time, you get to know the regulars. There’s a morning Caucasian duo comprised of a middle-aged male and his elderly co-worker. Right out the gate, there seems to be just a little bit of a mental disparity -not an issue- but just…off. Why did I give him my name. The bus stop is in the middle of a long block and as soon as I hit the corner, “Hi, Jeeeeeeeewwwwelz” cracks the air like a new whip! (cringe) He loves talking about his friggin’ fish he bought from China…EVERY DAY! The lady – bless her soul – is elderly and quite frankly should not still be working but she is. My constant memory of her is her ‘discharge’ she told me about. (tears). I need to have this in my memory bank?

Then there is the afternoon duo comprised of a middle-aged African American woman and man – not related but have been friends since childhood. They are funny as hell…yet sad. I don’t know what it is about people but they seem comfortable with telling me their deepest woes. I’m not going to display them here because that’s not why I’m blogging. The dude, though is missing some furniture by her words (his front teeth). Nice looking bruh but the missing loveseat (by her words) is a turn off. He flirts everyday but I’m so not interested. When he told me about putting his hands on his ex-wife, I was dunnzo!

Then there are all the others who ride daily.

The gawkers who just LOVE to stare at others, the mean asses who-for some reason- looks as if everybody on the damn bus farted at the same time, the mothers with babies and their carriages (God bless them!), the evangelists who stand/sit and deliver a prayer or read the Bible aloud (mostly in Spanish), the uppity mofos that don’t like anyone sitting next to them, the drinkers who’s skin oozes the smell of the brand of liquor they were drinking, the loud talkers (either on their phones or to passengers), the lovers, the funny bones (such as myself and the afternoon duo), the teens/students who don’t give a damn about anybody but themselves, the wide-loads who take up more than one seat that prompts a gauntlet of stares when the bus is full, those who help others and those who look away as if they did not just see an elderly person come on the bus who needs a seat, those who don’t like to errum…wash, those who just want to get to where they’re going without a fuss and those who just need a good ole smile to pick them up.

Yeah…the bus ride!